Old Man Forever with Combover Action
From time to time, I make up names for people because I don't want to take the time to ask them what their name is, or I'm not in a position to ask them.
For example, Officer Buzzkill is the guy that cited me for riding a dirtbike in the Presidio. Lame. As a sidenote, you should know that the Presidio is Federal land and the fines are not the same.
Another example is Chief Third Degree. This guy is a fire knife dancer on Maui. At a Luau, Chief Third Degree was more or less the grand finale to the fire dancing segment of the show. The first part of his performance was pretty exhilarating. He was twirling and throwing and it was awesome. Then something happened... some fire dropped off the knife on to his shoulder, and suddenly he was on fire. He ever so delicately flung the knives he was holding to the ground, and began swatting the fire on himself until it was out. Apparently they don't teach "Stop, Drop, and Roll" in Hawai'i, which I found strange because I would figure that's one of the first things one learns in fire knife dancing school.
The remainder of CTD's performance was lackluster. He picked up the knives swung them around a little, then got off the stage. Were it not for the bottomless umbrella drinks, I would have requested my money back.
Later in the trip, I had the opportunity to meet a fire knife dancer named Ina who worked at another Luau, and he gave me the lowdown. Chief Third Degree is rather elderly in terms of fire knife dancers. The kind of elderly that does not include wisdom with age. Also, the fire knife dancers are in control of the oil that they put on the knives and themselves. Had Chief Third Degree not been so liberal with the lube (luberal?), he would probably not have earned the moniker.
Right, moving on to Old Man Forever. Upon boarding the ferry between Dover and Calais, I quickly noticed that there were several other motorcyclists and we exchanged the secret greeting of two wheeled warriors. One of the members of this sacred order was ancient, hence Old Man Forever, and he was awesome. He was wearing a two piece leather suit and had that old person hunch. I bet his first motorcycle was a dinosaur, probably a velociraptor.
I was so intrigued by OMF, that I began to secretly follow him around the ferry, pretending to be a tourist taking pictures. Unfortunately, I could never actually get a picture of him, so you're going to have to imagine the oldest person that you can, and put them in leathers. He didn't look frail, and he had an energy about him that made me believe that he is probably a more accomplished rider than I may ever be.
Despite all my super stealthy following, I didn't realize the best part of OMF until later. As the ferry arrived in Calais, I shadowed him down to the automobile bay in order to find out what type of motorcycle he was riding. I knew that his original velociraptor was probably long since dead and extinct, and curiosity was eating at me. As he stepped out into the bay, a strong wind blew lifting up what I deem to be the most glorious combover which covered the most glorious bald head that I'd ever seen. I guess I shouldn't be surprised; OMF has had millennia to perfect his combover. In fact, I'm not sure that it wasn't a separate entity, in and of itself. It's entirely possible that the combover evolved on his dome, and as a defense mechanism, became the perfect camouflage.
I finally found out what Old Man Forever rides:
The image is gone now.
I hope someone calls me Old Man Forever one day. No combover, though.
